And that's not all. Though ArthurColeman was just a means to an end, someone whose help I needed, he doesgenuinely love me. So it seems only fair he should get the girl, shouldwin the prize he worked so hard for. That's why for the new 'improved'Janice Lester personality I created he's her ideal man, while she's theJanice Lester he's always wanted. You're going to be his reward from mefor his loyal service."Try as I might I could not move a muscle and so had no way of signallingwhat had happened to those watching, or of expessing my rising panic.Seeing the fear in my eyes, Janice smirked and kissed me on theforehead. She then lowered the cowl of the device down over my head."Okay, Bones," she said, as she stepped through the cubicle door, "let'sget this thing done so I can get back to the Captain's chair on theEnterprise, back to where I belong."Unaware that anything was wrong, Bones remotely activated the device.Instantly, I felt alien thoughts, memories, and desires flooding into. I don’t deny that I am human. I do have opinions and beliefs as to those behaviors that are better suited to noble and heroic labels – compassion, integrity, self deprecation, and so forth – and I have, in fact, come to believe that I have made great strides in this regard – but I cannot get past the feeling that those strides are, of necessity, merely vanity. I know that I think of myself as heroic, that my behavior has become, in my opinion, both selfless and compassionate. But that, it seems to me, is as much the luck of the draw as anything. In earlier days, I often wondered how I would react if the woman in my life (especially the young lady I was involved with for seven years) fell victim to some truly damaging disease. Would I be motivated – by love or self sacrifice or any other reason – to become a care giver? Or would I determine my plans for my life did not involve being limited in that way, and move on? And if this happened, would people have a negative opinion of me?.
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